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November 16 Time's a ticking, and I'm a Losing...Well, it's already November. That time of the year where you start thinking of dusting off the christmas tree, and contemplate what you've got to buy the friends and family. For most of us based here in Northern Ireland, we've got something else to worry about. And that's the time. The days that pass, too quickly to our liking. We dread hearing that the month of March is only 4 months away. And that's the month so many of our husbands, wives, and friends have got to deploy to Afghan. I'm especially dreading it. Well actually. That's not fair. I'm sure everyone is really worried about the tour. And started planning on if they're going back to the mainland, or if they're gonna stick it out here. Me... I'm stuck here as I've got to keep the boat a float. At the recent christmas battery do, we were sitting next to a sergeant from the Australian army. He was one of 15 odd men, that are attached to my other halfs battery, and will be accompanying them on the tour. As I voice my concerns to him about the tour, and have a moan about the time we're going to be apart, he tells me, that he and most of the other lads with him, hasn't been home in over 13 months! That stunned me. I didn't know what to say. To make matters worse, he'll be seeing his wife for three weeks over christmas if she flies over here, and then only when they've got R & R halfway through their tour. I absolutely take my hat of to these gentlemen more then ever. It just made me realise, that yet again, we always complain about things, when somewhere, someone else have got to make do with much worse circumstances. So with that thought I'll leave ya. Husband is currently away from home on Pre Deployment Training, so will have much more time on my hands to update this. LOL July 24 Moving --- and an apology... lolOkay so I know I've been really bitter in my previous post. I'm really sorry for making it seem as if my life is crap... lol... it's not. I'm happy... just seperation I don't deal to good with. Well, so we're moving again! And to Northern Ireland. Don't know if I'm supposed to say that here though, heard all these stories of how it was over there... Husband's been told he's not allowed to wear his uniform on his way to work, but only allowed to change into it once he is there. When I wash his uniform, not allowed to hang it outside to dry, have to hide it in the house (lol)... So goody... this is gonna be fun! So as I fill in the numerous application forms for jobs, why I'd like to work for them, and why I want to do admin positions instead of Customer Service (grrr), and wether I'm part of the Protestant or Catholic community (why?). It's become apparent why so many of the wives rather stay at home then go to work. Because it's such a mission getting a job. Explaining periods of unemployment because you were moving again, but explaining them in such a way so they don't realise you are an army wife... goodness... what an effort. I've been sitting at home not working for 3 weeks now. And to be perfectly honest... it's driving me freaking nuts! We don't have kids yet to keep me busy... instead I've got a litter of kittens, but that's not the same thing. It's so much easier then not applying for 10 jobs and getting 1 interview out of them (or is it just me doing something wrong). I'm only young, and I'm doing my degree from home aswell... But I really don't want to work at Tesco. Or McDonalds. So this means... money's a bit tight. And is that my fault? Nope. I don't think so. I started realising that so many of the wives just look after kids as it's so much easier because husband's always away. And have to run the whole house on their own isn't as easy as I thought. So to all the veteran wives and current wives having a glass of wine while reading this... I take my hat of to you! I've got to go and pack a little bit more, while filling in application forms with the other hand now people. Oh my... but my life is just too exciting for a 22 year old! lol Much Love and God bless. June 23 Not feeling too good... Well I know I haven't been on here for a while. And will certainly do my best to keep things up to date from now on. Especially as I have so much free time on my hands... YET AGAIN. Is it just me that deals this bad with being seperated from the other half... (Thanks MOD... You make my life a breeze -I wish-) I know this might sound silly. But as I sit here and wait for the phone to ring... I feel this big lump in my throat. Might it be the big sweet I snuck (which I'm not allowed because I'm doing the Weight Watchers thing... don't laugh) or could it just be that I really miss him today. I texted my cousin in South Africa yesterday... just before my husband left for exercise. Told her that I really miss her and I wanted to know how she's doing. The reason I'm so worried about her, is because 4 years ago she became part of the crime statistics in South Africa. Her husband was highjacked and brutally killed. Leaving her all alone to raise 2 kids. And the one thing I said to her, was how I've started dreaming at night that people are coming to my house, telling me something has happened to AJ. And... I don't know why... I'll start daydreaming... and imagine his funeral... the flag draped over his coffin, everyone there to morn him, how I'm feeling... In intense detail! This must be why I'm sitting here crying while typing this damn blog... I mean... he's only gone on exercise for 3 weeks (after just getting back from a 6 weeks one) and he's only due out (to an undisclosed destination in the Middle East -- hint hint nudge nudge). So why am I slowly loosing my mind? Surely... You must say... Well you knew this before you married him. But that's no thing to say. How do you expect me to NOT love him just because he's a soldier and 80% of our life he'll be away? Well... the thing I'm trying to get across is. I'm terribly depressed... sitting here... what the hell is wrong with me? Could any1 maybe give me hints and tips to stop thinking all these things I am. This is the last blog I'll be writing in the state I am now (I say while taking another sip of whine) Sorry bout that guys... and girls... Much Love and Respect An Army Wife's PrayerDear God, I pray to you again today I ask for your Help Please help me understand Why this life I doubt Dear God, another thing Please give me strength my life, my love, he's leaving The Army's sent him out You already know that though, and how it's gonna end Please dear God comfort me, When away to Afghan he is sent Could you please stop my jealousy It's Civillians I envy All they worry about is their next cocktail party And where they've lost their key One last thing my Lord Keep his memory safe For when he's so far from me, He'll remember my face I close this prayer with thanks for being married to a soldier Even though we're almost never together It's the days with him, I'll deeply treasure. --Jackie-- April 15 Waiting --- By MeI sit here waiting to hear from you
This silence is hard to chew I wait to hear if you're okay You finally call but there's a delay To simply hear that your love for me has not faded is all I need to see The Army's got you far from home
On distant shores, in a conflict zone You get to call me once a week But we can't really talk, I can't hear you speak I scream and shout through the phone It goes dead, and again I'm all alone As I sit here and treasure the comfort in your voice
I respect what you're doing, it's you're choice I feel the warmth of my tears on my cheecks I try to remind myself, it's only been two weeks You do it so our kids can run and play
Here in the Barracks where we stay I walk in the street, with the freedom you gave us And wonder why the Civvies can't see the fuss? Why do they fight amongst themselves
When deeper in enimy territory you must delve You're giving up precious time with me Another month's gone by, it's now been three. They don't see what it is you do
But oh my angel, We both know what's true Don't mind the abuse and stick the Civvies give Don't worry bout me when I'm the one they see Because I'm an Army Wife, Strong and True
My husband's away fighting for you Go ahead and call me what you like, Go ahead and plan that strike He's the one sleeping far from home
For you to go on and on and on About the war you so hate Another month's gone by, now it's eight I heard you're voice today
But I know, there so far you have to stay You talked bout how much you long to be home Almost time baby! Don't take too long April 13 Stick From CivviesExcited I wait for the Postman to stop by yester day as I bought two T-shirts to show how much I support my husband and our Troops. Finally after waiting for what seemed like and eternity I hear the lady struggle to put something through my letterbox. I run down and rip open the package! Astonished and amazed I put on one of the shirts to wear today as to show everyone I'm an Army Wife, and a really proud one at that.
Go to the bank to draw some of my husband's well earned money to get a hire car (because mine still isn't running) and I hear a lady saying to someone: "You'd think they'd be ashamed to wear something like that! It's terrible what Blair has done and she's just typicall of what this country DOESN'T need!" And I try to stay calm as I have had my fair share of words for being an army wife. I think of my husband, being far away, sleeping outside in the cold. Wondering if he took his Malaria tablets. Wondering if he had a nice meal or if he had to eat rasions. I wonder if he's looking forward to next week's exercise and who the people is he's spending his time with.
So I try to just let it run of my back and ignore while I wait patiently for my turn. Then she carries on saying: "If it wasn't bad enough having to deal with murderes and Peadophiles, we have to look at people condoning war, innocent people dying, and murder and plunder from so many soldiers! I mean afterall it's on the news everyday!" And again I try and ignore, trying to think about how hard my husband is working for the couple of pennies he's getting. And how many hours he spend for that month's salary AWAY from home. I think to myself how I'd love to hear from him.
Once again my thoughts are interrupted by: "The Forces has killed 800,000 innocent women and children! It's really that bad!" , she says. "I know! They should put a ban on things like this!" , the other lady said. I start wondering if he is using the plasters I packed for him because he's got terrible blisters on he's feet from the previous week's exercise. Did he get the little Love Letter I slipped into his bag when he wasn't looking as I wanted him to read how much I love him and how much I'll miss him when he's gone. "I'm sooo glad I don't have a murderer in my family! That's basically what all of them are! No one in my family was or would ever be in the Forces, and I'm sooo glad!"
As I take my card out of the machine and turn around and see the two ladies behind me. "My husband is far away, and I sit at the phone everyday to here his voice, to hear if he's okay, and to hear him say he still loves me. I saw him for 6 months out of the year last year, and I really miss him. Him and so many other men are far away from their kids and wives and husband's. Not because they want to but because it's their job. They do that, without asking to get recognised, or thanked. And by them doing what they do gives you the right to say all the nasty things you do about them." , I say. Taking the money from the machine, and giving them a smile, and walking away.
And I think to myself... Is it not possible to NOT support the war but to support our brave men and women? Do any of these people realise that if it wasn't for my husband and so many other Service men and women, they wouldn't have the right to say things like that? They wouldn't have the right to scold them for wearing their uniforms in public. They wouldn't have the right to walk around in a safe community and break it down with their hurtfull words.
With that I walk of back home to wait by the phone again. Am I the only one who had this happen to? April 11 Army Wifeas I sit here all alone with a husband so far from home I sit and wonder why were all involved in this battle that’s been going on since times of old there are many wives just like me who’s there husbands faces they long to see with children growing every day but all the time daddy is away we take our vows and say I do to the army we say I do too at times when we don’t want to part we feel that dread grow in our heart as our men are all snuggled together felling alone us women are here keeping the home trying to be the mum and the dad keeping on going even when we feel sad we see others on the street when we shop and wonder do they realise what luck they have got to have there loved ones so close to be able to share to be close each day and say that they care the days go rushing on by without even a blink but they drag like a stone beginning to sink we love our men and are very proud sometimes we want to shout out loud “do you know how lucky all you women have got it while our men are out there ducking from rockets” we pray they come home all safe and sound and that we are not the unlucky ones resting them in the ground we are told by our men all is ok but I know that’s what they feel they have to say every day they are scared and low like us we don’t scream and shout we don’t make a fuss for this is our life a cross we have to bear but to our men you must know were always going to be there through think and thin you don’t stand all alone for you have strong hearts beating here for you back home come back safe and remember we care and no matter what happens we will always be there April 08 Talking about refused full compensation payout by MoDWell... So as I sit here... with a stiff neck after some blind bastard drove into the back after my car, a day after my husband left for Belize for 6 weeks.... I thought I'll use this "me" time and have a snoop through all the latest gossip. To my amazement I come across this Article which one of the other Army Wives have in her blog. And I think to myself. Here I sit today, not going to work because my neck is stiff and I've got a headache... But this man... After losing an arm and a leg... still wanting to get well and get back to work to go on with his work as normal as possible. What the hell is wrong with me? But that's the thing. Everyone always has something to moan about, no matter how small it is. And I actually feel ashamed of myself now. I called the injury lawyers to try and get compensation because I can't work for a few days, and he calls his "JOB" to try and make sure he'll get pay for hurting himself ON DUTY. I'm such a twat sometimes. All the best to you dear sir... My you and your family get everything you deserve. I've just decided to take the money I get from my compensation and put it towards a charity looking after our brave guys and girls (don't know who yet... have to do my research) I'm sorry for moaning bout something so tiny compared to what you and your family must be going through. May God help and bless you through this difficult time. So I'm off... to wait next to the phone and hear if the other half is still living and not eaten alive by bugs the size of birds.
Much Love. Quote refused full compensation payout by MoD March 10 Army wives are made stronger to last Longer...Or are they? Well that was the thought I put in my mind as I start organising things for our trip to Belfast tomorrow to check the new housing we are due to move into. After 4 other wives cancelled (I didn't know then anyway but would be nice to finally make some friends) I'm the only one going between 8 other squaddies... Oh joy... this is gonna be good I think to myself. Pondering all the gossip I will get once we get back seeing as I'm the only one that's going. That's the thing I don't understand. We're all army wives, aren't we supposed to stick together? Something like you wash my back and I'll wash yours kind thing... That's what I thought it would be like when I got the word last year that we've got our first Married Quarters... I thought... Oh oh... nice new friends, great girly nights out, complaining bout the lads, having a moan of having to pack a Bergen with 10 minutes notice because he gets sent somewhere on a 3 hours notice... that sort of thing. Oh was I pleasantly (or rather unpleasantly) surprised... seeing as we are the only couple in the barracks that don't have kids yet... I normally get my evil glance on my way to work as I drive pass the school on my way to work. Mom's dropping their kids of, having a gossip at the fence, finding out who's new, and who's done what. This happened a couple of times until I was on the phone to my mom one day (in South Africa by the way), I told her how I felt isolated from everything and everyone here, when he's off for training somewhere all I have is Anoeshka (my thieving cat) and myself... (sad I know). So she gave me the idea of when I drive pass then again to smile and wave... not the beauty pageant queen wave, but a very friendly wave as to let them know "Hi, I'm here aswel!" So next day, before I leave for work have a quick look in th I'm thinking, why is there always such a thing as a clique? School you had them, the cheerleaders, the footballers, the Goths, the nerds, the wannabe's. At work you get them, the party girls, the good looking gays, the snobs, and then the hardworkers. Then you get the groups in the barracks... The Sergeants/BSM/Lance Jack etc etc - wives, those wives that ALWAYS wear their husband's ranks... "Hi, I'm Mary Blah Blah... wife of SERGEANT Blah Blah... Who's you're husband?" Now that question, as innocent as it may sound, it's a way to find out if you qualify to be in their clique. You can't answer with his first name and last name, You have to answer RANK SURNAME, as that's how they know everybody. So I discovered... being a Gunner's wife, I don't qualify. SLAM... shut down again. Am I the only wife feeling like this? March 05 Our Brave Squaddies and their filthy socksAs I wake up this morning to a "Bollocks! The alarm didn't go of!", I thought to myself ahh... this is going to be a nice day. Only to be asked by the husband to rather stay at home today and then he'll go and work with me on Saturday. So I thought to myself, well that's rather nice, but being the sceptic I am I questioned his motives. "It's only because I want the car today. Want to show the lads." I knew it. So I stay and he drives of. I thought I'd start with the washing, only to stick my hand in the basket and pull out filthy, stinky PT socks. Together with "grass-burned" trousers, and muddy trainers. I thought to myself: I'm not getting paid enough for this. As I go through my day thinking how a bad job I have, and how many times I have to wash the carpet until the other lads realise that you do HAVE to take your shoes off at the door, it hit me straight in the nugget, like it always does. No, it's not the cupboard door I keep on smashing my head into when I try to get something out for a brew, it's the fact that I realised I'm moaning and complaining about the things I despise the Civvies complaining about. I've got so much to be thankful for. After all, it's not me that has to get up at 6 to go practice for "Tug-a-war", nor is it I that run 8miles with a bag the size of a baby elephant on my back. Nor do I have to yes sir, no sir, no problem sir, to everyone that tells me to do something. So as I go about m Please don't watch if you are sensitive to this sort of thing. The things is, if you go this video on Youtube, and read all the comments on there with regards to it, it's amazing just how people's opinions differ. Some say that it's wrong what they did (which it is, if the boys really are innocent) and then you can hear their Corporal screaming (he's videotaping the whole thing) with joy at each blow the boys received. Things like this makes me sad and that's because they take all the good things our boys do and put that in the back. Have you honestly seen any sort of video showing the soldiers doing nice things to the Afghan or Iraqi people? No... because that's not what sells is it. It's so much easier focusing on all the negative things in the world then looking past all that and look for the good things. Like for example this whole Afghan situation. The Afghan people don't realise exactly what the troops over there are trying to do. They don't get sent over the What the sad thing is, all these politicians sitting high up and mighty sipping their expensive wines in the evenings, while watching Sky News to see what's going on, they don't know what it feels like to have someone you love sent away to go help people who doesn't realize it. They don't know what it feels like to go to bed at night and wonder if he is safe, if he's cold, if he's hungry, if he's using the paracetomols you packed while he wasn't looking. I'm sorry if I come across as moany, but I'm so passionate about all our lads and lasses out there, it URKES me to hear all these things. So I'll leave you with that thought. I've got 3 hungry troops raiding my kitchen.... March 04 What a pleasant feelingI don't know but for some reason I've had this understanding that if you're in the army, it's you're job, don't moan and shit about it, as you chose to do it, don't expect any sort of grattitude, or any sort of special treatment. This is the understanding what I got from it in South Africa (where I'm from originally). But clearly this is not the case. Was I pleasantly suprised to realise exactly how much support this country has for their service men and women and how proud (most of them) are on all of them.
Thing is coming from South Africa, things are so different that side. You only hear a story about the Army if someone accidentally shot themselves in the foot (twats), or if they uncovered this massive fraud ring... LOL... Yeah that's South Africa for you.
Over the past couple of months of being an army wife, I got overwhelmed with messages and letters, supporting our Troops and their families. Again, being South African, may I add... I wish I was British!
Just a little note to let everyone in the country know that this country isn't that bad as everyone (media and politicians) are making it out to be. You've got so much to be thankull for. Okay you get the bad apple here and there, but it's like that everywhere.
So as I sit here and wait for hubby to get out of the bath because he stank from PT... I'm trying to make a list of the things I need to get at tesco's. Considered having a look through their website (I know, I'm lazy) to see what i need. Checked my emails before I went on. Overwhelmed with emails and messages of support as I recently put an add on a recycling website, asking for anything people would be willing to give up to send to our mate in Afghan. WOW, I mean wow is all I can say. I didn't want to delete any so printed them all of and they will be put in the 2kg box for the lads.
Another thing is, people are making up packages sending it to our mate! They don't know him, or know any of the lads personally over there. But they're taking well earned money out of their pockets and sending him and his mates another box! This is amazing. Can I just say how proud I am to know that my kids will be British (born in England in 5years as can't even look after myself now)
Much love everyone and keep up the great job! If there is anyone out there looking for volunteers for any sort of Millitary Op (Excluding Proper ops as I've got shite aim and I'll wee myself with the first sound of bomb or grenade exploding) Don't hesitate to give me a call. March 02 Our very own Ginger Bastard back from AfghanWell actually he's not a bastard, he's our prince. I can remember having this fascination on Harry when I was like 12, kind of embarrassing to admit I know. I took it upon myself to express my feelings with regards to this situation... So I've been following his progress up until th This was also a good thing as he in a way that only the Royals can, he gave some well earned publicity to our men out there. All the power to you Harry, as clearly this whole thing wasn't just another publicity stunt, we can see that you wanted to go to Afghan with all the other, and just trying to do your duty like a normal squaddie. As me and my husband sat here and watch the news break, it was interesting seeing the reaction from a fellow soldier's point of view. Well, he looked incredibly proud (he's South African serving in the British Army). And that coming from his eyes speaks a thousand words. So now, I'll leave you because I've got to google the latest news on Harry (ma boy)... Being an Army Wife
Why when he’s home you fight with him about his clothes on the floor But when he’s away you leave it there, the exact same spot by the door Why when he’s home do you clean and hurry to do things But when he’s away you lay on your bed and dream about him Life isn’t supposed to be this way You should have him to yourself
Why do I feel so proud to say that he’s a soldier But throw it in his face saying it’s his fault he is... He is doing this to give us a better life To give me everything, and make me a happy wife But do I need the expensive shoes and clothes? When he’s away killing himself fighting foes...
Dearest AJ, you’re my world I’ll always be your little baby girl You belong to the army now, But at least I can sleep knowing That I’ve got your heart. |
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